Is Your Child’s Anxiety Taking Over? How to Respond with Confidence

doucettetherapy
Jun 3
3 min read

Updated: Jun 5

Anxiety in young people is reaching unprecedented levels. As researcher Zach Rausch notes, in a recent After Babel article:

"By 2022, nearly 60% of adolescent girls and about 30% of boys now report experiencing multiple mental health complaints each week... In fact, in 2022, all 41 countries reported the highest prevalence of psychological complaints on record."

The numbers are alarming, but for many parents, they aren’t just statistics—they’re daily realities. I see it in my practice, and I hear it from parents who feel helpless as anxiety takes hold oftheir child’s life.

Anxiety doesn’t just affect the young person experiencing it. It often pulls parents into its orbit - creating a cycle that’s difficult to break. The instinct to comfort, reassure, or problem-solve your anxious child is natural— but those responses can unintentionally make anxiety grow and intensify.

How Anxiety Pulls Parents In

Let's take the example of an anxious 12-year-old, who refuses to go on a school field trip, insisting they will throw up on the bus ride because they feel sick. The parents know, given a long history of their child feeling nauseous when anxious, that their child is not actually sick, but is caught in the cycle of anxiety.

How do loving parents respond? Often, they try:

🤍

Reassurance and comfort

“You’ll be fine—it’s just nerves. Once you get going, you’llhave fun.

🧠

Logic and reasoning

“Remember last time? You felt the same way but didn’t actually get sick.”

📵

Ultimatums & consequences

“If you stay home, no screens! You can’t just skip things and play video games.

Why These Responses Backfire:

🤍 Reassurance provides temporary relief, but the anxious child always needs more

🧠 Logical arguments invite debate, which makes anxious thoughts seem valid when they’re not actually rational.

📵 Consequences may create temporary compliance, but they don’t teach emotional resilience.

A More Effective, Therapeutic Response:

Step 1: Accept The Anxiety

Your role isn't to fight anxiety right away but to acknowledge it. Let your child know you believe them and recognize how difficult it feels.

“I believe you. You feel really sick to your stomach. When you feel this way, it’s so hard to imagine getting on that bus. I know this is overwhelming."

Step 2: Validate the Emotion

You can provide emotional support without reinforcing the fear. Show understanding of their experience without agreeing with the anxious thoughts.

“I understand why this feels so hard. Big groups and new environments tend to make anxiety spike, and I know that when you’re anxious, you often feel nauseous. No wonder you want to stay home. I can imagine how awful you feel right now.”

At this point, your child may temporarily express more intense emotions. That’s okay. It’s healthy for your child to express the feelings and get support from you.

When a child feels truly understood, their brain releases neurochemicals that help them calm down.

Step 3: Encourage Confidence & Resilience

Once your child is in a more regulated state, offer support that reinforces their ability to handle discomfort.

“I know you might feel nauseous on the bus, and I also believe you can get through it and feel proud of yourself.”

“Even though leaving the house is tough right now, I’ve seen you handle situations like this before. I wonder if, once you get going, the anxiety will settle.”

You can also offer some comfort—without getting pulled into anxiety’s cycle.